Breaking up with someone you love can be one of the hardest things to go through. It may sound a little dramatic but as someone who has lost several people close to me, including my mother, the pain from a breakup can be similar to the feeling you have after a loved one passes. It’s hard to gain closure because that person is still walking around in the world, moving on with a piece of your now broken heart. As hard as a breakup can be, it can also be very empowering. We as humans are more resilient than we think and god/the universe/life does not put situations in your life that you cannot handle and overcome. If you’re struggling with healing from a breakup, follow these steps to become a stronger, better you.
Call on Your Support System
Whenever I’m going through a tough time the first thing I want to do is call someone close to me to talk me off a cliff. And this is what you should do after you and a significant other breakup. It can be your mom, a sibling, best friend. If you have a close group of friends, invite them over to help console you. Be honest. Let them know exactly how you’re feeling. Knowing you’re loved by others will help you feel better. Even if just for that moment.
Let Yourself Feel
This is the hardest part of a breakup. No one wants to feel grief. It is overwhelming and when you go through a tough breakup your heart literally feels heavy like it is breaking. But you have to let yourself feel pain as it is part of the healing process. Try to stay away from alcohol because you run the risk of drunk dialing your ex. The best thing for you to do is cut them off cold turkey, no matter how hard it seems. You will probably experience some of the stages of grief during this time – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and this ok. Remember to tell yourself that no feeling lasts forever – good or bad. Life is about highs and lows. You may feel like you’re at a low right now but the only place to go is up. And you will in time.
AVOID SOCIAL MEDIA
PLEASE! Social media is one of the best and worst things to happen to humanity. Great for connecting with lost friends. Terrible when you’re trying to move on from someone. Viewing your ex’s social pages and pictures will not bring them back to you. It will only make you feel worse. If you need to unfriend them, please do. Ask yourself what will you get out of knowing what your ex is doing and/or who they are seeing? And if you know they are seeing someone else, please refrain from social stalking them too! If they have a new significant other bashing that person to make yourself feel better does not change the reality that your ex has moved on. Social media is usually a facade anyway. Chances are your ex is grieving as well and he/she may want to make it seem that they are handling your breakup better than they really are.
Tap into Your Rational Mind
I normally wouldn’t encourage someone to focus on negative situations but in this case, it’s appropriate. There is a reason you and your ex broke up. So make a list of those reasons. When we lose someone we tend to focus only on the good times but I’m sure there were a lot of times when you could not stand the sight of your ex. Tap into that energy and try to remember why you’re not compatible. Approach your situation like a lawyer and look at the facts. Did he/she often criticize you? Did he/she cheat on you? You deserve better. Keep telling yourself this over and over and eventually you will start to believe it.
After a breakup your self-esteem can be shattered and you can feel as if you’ll never find love again. But I promise you will! Finding love starts with loving yourself. Check out my article How to Manifest a Love Partner to find out how to call in love after you’ve healed from your breakup. There are several spiritual mediums that I’ve personally used to help heal my heart after it was broken.
Reiki is a Japanese healing technique where a reiki practitioner channels energy to a person through their hands. Reiki can be used to clear energy blocks in your body and balance your chakras (energy centers in our bodies.) Without going too deep into chakras (saving this for another article!), usually after someone goes through a breakup their heart chakra is blocked. Obviously this is a bad thing because it can keep you from calling new love into your life. After I went through a breakup with someone I was with for a very long time I had blocks in my solar plexus chakra which rules self-confidence and my heart chakra. A good friend of mine performed reiki on me to help clear these blocks and this with other spiritual work helped nurse me back to having hope.
Yes people, crystal therapy is a thing. I’m sure many of you are familiar with common crystals and gemstones such as quartz, amethyst and ruby. Meditating and surrounding yourself with crystals can be healing depending on what area of your life you want to improve. Rose Quartz is by far the most popular crystal to surround yourself with if you want to call in love and open your heart chakra. I’ve used guided healing meditations while holding Rose Quartz to help clear my heart chakra and I highly recommend that you give it a try.
Astrological Love Reading
One of the things I am passionate about is coaching clients to make better decisions in their love lives. If you’re feeling lost after a breakup I or another astrologer can examine your natal chart to pin point your relationship patterns. Your natal chart can reveal the types of partners that you’re attracted to. But what you’re attracted to may not be what’s best for you. So it can also reveal the mistakes you may be inclined to make in love and the types of partners who would be better suited for you. I can also look at how the current planetary movement is affecting your chart and the best times to call love into your life.
Healing from a breakup is a process, much like overcoming an addition. It takes time to heal so be forgiving of yourself and don’t expect to feel “normal” overnight. Trust that what is meant to be will be. It sounds cliché but if you let something go and it comes back it was meant for you. If it doesn’t, it wasn’t meant to be and the universe wants something better for you. And remember, there is always sunshine after the rain!