I am going to start with a disclaimer that I am a very social and usually outgoing person. But I’m also EXTREMELY private so this is not an easy story for me to share. Oooh…Sounds dramatic already, I hope you keep reading 🙂
Struggle and adversity are relative and I count my blessings everyday. But my life has not been easy. I’m a person who appears to have it all together. Even in some of my lowest, scariest moments, I am somehow able to convince myself to hold it together. My Libra dad once told me that when he looks at me he sees strength. This has always stuck with me because he and many people close to me would probably never guess that sometimes I just want to fall apart.
Astrology is a Part of My Destiny
I was born on Earth Day (April 22nd, holla!) and Easter, two days after the sun moved into the first earth sign of the zodiac, Taurus. Easter Sunday is determined by the first full moon after the spring equinox. My dad gave me the Egyptian name TaMerri, “Gift of the Nile” or “Beloved Land,” Zamaih, “Born with Leadership”, Ater “High in Stature.” Egypt was called TaMeri by it’s natives. The same people who used astrology in their everyday lives.
As an infant I had a naming ceremony where it was advised that I stay away from wearing the color red because I was born under the sign of the bull. I still abide by this suggestion except for when it comes to shoes, handbags and a classic red lip! But I digress…
I remember, like it was yesterday (and I don’t have the best memory), the first time a friend of mine asked me my zodiac sign. I was 6 years old, in Ms. Greenlee’s 2nd grade class. I had no idea what a zodiac sign was so I came home and asked my dad who showed me a poster with zodiac constellations.
I was a very sensitive child.
I was a very sensitive child. I mean almost to the point of ridiculousness. Everything made me cry. I literally refused to watch (more than once) the Land Before Time, Fievel Goes West, Bambi, or any movie with death or family separation. My Capricorn mom would sometimes make comments about how sensitive I was, not knowing this would later shape my psyche to be the exact opposite. I was also an extremely social and outgoing child. I made friends left and right. My Scorpio grandma still laughs at how I would make her get stranger’s numbers at the park so that we could keep in touch. I was a very determined and ambitious child. Many of the traits I possessed as a child still ring true today, I’ve just learned to adjust and adapt to this thing we call life. My astrological natal chart opened my eyes and gave me clarity regarding my lifelong patterns and behaviors that were literally written in the stars.
I Had to Get Tough at 13 Years Old
January 28, 1998 was the worst day of my life. I was 13 and in my first year of high school, home “sick” during mid-terms. I happened to check the time on our cable box in the afternoon and immediately felt uneasy. But I wasn’t sure why. My parents were separated at the time. My mom got an apartment and I was back and forth between there and our family home. I tried calling my mom, for what reason, I don’t know, and I wasn’t able to reach her. Later that evening, same thing. Couldn’t reach her. My father tried, we called my grandparents, they tried. No answer. It was late when my dad, younger brother, grandparents and I took a trip to her apartment. We knocked on the door, no answer. We called the police. An officer walked up the stairs to her apartment, knocked on the door, no answer. An officer forced open the door and it was locked from the inside with a door chain lock so someone was inside.
The officer walks down the steps, says something to my grandmother as I watch and my grandmother screams to the top of her lungs. I knew then my life would change forever.
My Intuition Has Never Failed Me
My mother was an amazing person, someone I looked up to but I sometimes felt she was a little hard on me, harder than she was on my Sagittarius brother. She was a Capricorn, very responsible, went the extra mile to make sure my brother and I received a good education, participated in extracurricular activities and had a good social life. But I couldn’t help but notice that she never seemed satisfied. She changed jobs frequently, always looking for something “better” than what she had. She could get a new job with the snap of a finger, a skill that I would later inherit 🙂 She had a vibrant personality, always smiling, bubbly, lots of friends but she had a serious side, one you didn’t want to mess with. She was strong. My grandma used to say that she felt like my mother’s daughter at times because my mom was so responsible. This is not uncommon for Capricorns.
I was so dependent on my mom, like many children and I had what I thought was an irrational fear of losing my mother from a young age. It probably sounds silly but when I watched movies like Bambi, I would think to myself, there’s no way I could ever survive without my mom. I literally had these thoughts. I also feared losing my mom because my dad lost his. His mom died when he was only 9 years old and he would always tell my brother and I to tell our loved ones we love them every time we see them because it’s not guaranteed that we will see them again. Needless to say, I had a strong fear of death and separation from my loved ones at a young age.
So when I found out from the police officer that my mother had shot and killed herself, I was shocked, but not surprised. Let me clarify, It was an absolute shock that my mother would do something like this. She was not a “depressed” person. Like I said, she was fun and bubbly, life of the party. Responsible, strong. Or so she appeared to be. When I say I was not shocked, I mean that I almost expected this to happen to me because it was a fear I always had. I literally felt her death that afternoon, on January 28th when I had the urge to call her. I knew something was wrong. And although my mother’s death will probably always be a mystery (well, not so much, I’ve talked to her through mediums but that’s for another post!), what I do know is that she was searching for something. Like many people on this planet are. They don’t know what they are looking for so they fill their void with drugs, alcohol, material items, etc. But what they really need is inner peace.
History Doesn’t Have to Repeat Itself
After my mom passed my family had a series of unexpected deaths and hardships. I felt like we were cursed. I went back to school maybe a week after my mom’s funeral and put on a smile. I joined the cheerleading squad, dance team and kept good grades. My family never really talked about what happened and neither did I. In fact there’s probably a handful of people I went to school with who knew my mother died. On the outside I appeared to have it all together. On the inside I was a very sad, lonely and depressed teenager. My dad was absolutely amazing. He raised my brother and I as a single father, working a demanding job and maintaining a busy lecturing schedule. I also had the support of my grandparents but nothing could fill the void of not having my mother help with my transition to womanhood. It was hard. And even today it’s very hard for me to admit that I tried my hand at ending my own life as a teenager. But having been affected by it personally, I know that is one of the most selfish things you can do. If my story can help one person, it’s worth my temporary fear of being vulnerable.
My Love Affair with Astrology
I’ve always been fascinated by human behavior and how complex we are. When someone asks me to tell them about myself I get anxious because there’s no way I can verbalize all of who I am. I think the best way to get to know people is by observing their behavior. Throughout my adolescent/teen years I was fascinated with zodiac signs and “mystical things.” Ok so this is totally embarrassing but I had the biggest obsession with Kobe Bryant in high school. So much that I coerced with one of my Pisces BFF’s, Lala (I’m exposing you) to do a love spell on him. Ahhh, this is so embarrassing to admit to the world lol. My grandma was an accomplice because she drove me around to find the rose-water for the spell. Needless to say it didn’t work and it was my first and last “spell.” I bought my first set of tarot cards in New Orleans while with aforementioned BFF when I was 17. You get the drift, I’m a new age/mystical junkie.
Fast forward to the year I graduated college. I worked for a marketing company and was not thrilled about my boring first full-time job considering that I sacrificed my free time in college working part-time and completing my 7 fabulous internships. I knew I was destined for better lol. But destiny works in mysterious ways. There was a talent manager who worked out of our office who happened to manage celebrity astrologers, The Astro Twins. When I found this out of course I was intrigued. The manager told me the next time they came to our Beverly Hills Office (they lived in NYC), she would ask them to do a short reading for me. And sure enough, they did. I can’t remember if it was Ophi or Tali, but one of them looked at me and said “You’re either a Scorpio or a Taurus.” and I was like Whaaaat!? “I”m a Taurus.” When they ran my chart, come to find out my rising (ascendant) sign is Scorpio. Your rising sign is the “mask” you wear and the first impression you give when people first meet you.
FINALLY IT ALL MADE SENSE!
After my mini-reading I purchased Llewellyn’s Complete Book of Astrology and read it cover to cover. My mind was blown. I had no idea there was so much to astrology, so much more than your sun sign. I pulled up my natal chart and started to learn more about myself. Even though I’m very much a comfort and luxury loving Taurus, this only scratched the surface of my personality. All of the traits I possessed from childhood began to make sense. Not only do I have Scorpio rising, I also have action planet, Mars, planet of hard lessons, Saturn, and planet of transformation Pluto, in Scorpio. I have some of the most intense planets in probably the most intense sign, Scorpio, in my first house of self and 12th house of subconscious. Scorpio is a highly intuitive water sign which explains my sensitivity as a child, my determination (along with my Taurus Sun), and my heightened intuition. I won’t get too technical but Pluto in my 12th house (crazy intense placement) is a part of a difficult aspect called a T-Square in my chart, opposite my sun (identity) and squaring my moon, which usually represents your mother in your natal chart. My moon, which governs emotions, is in eccentric air sign Aquarius. So emotionally I am like an Aquarius, slightly detached which explains why I’ve always had the ability to analyze my emotions from a distance and learned to contain them. AND why I can connect with people from all walks of life. FINALLY IT ALL MADE SENSE! When I discovered all that I could learn about the world through astrology, I felt that god/the universe gave me the key to a door that was waiting to be unlocked, but only at the right time.
I started to ask my friends and family members for their birth information and I ran all of their charts. My brother, interesting enough, also has his Taurus moon making a difficult aspect to Pluto in Scorpio. Just let that marinate for a second. I continued to read astrology books cover to cover, spent hours on forums, took courses, did chart readings for fun. I discovered predictive astrology and how to use the movement of the planets to help with decision-making. I used astrology to explore my natural gifts and creative talents. I tried to find my life purpose by studying my chart. Like my mom, I started working at 15. Well she had me beat by one year. I’ve literally never not had a job. But none of them fulfilled me. Even my “fun” jobs in the fashion and beauty industry. Yes, it’s cool to not have a “boring” typical 9-5 job but I’ve always had the sense that I am destined to make some sort of change in the world.
You Don’t find Your Life Purpose, It Finds You
12 years after working at my first full-time job, I’m able to clearly see why I was placed there. Because of that job, I found myself. My destiny literally walked through the door when I met Ophi and Tali. But it was a story that was written before I was even born. “Maktub.” The dots literally connected in my life, like constellations, to lead me to this point. My first beauty product marketing job is where I had the revelation that helping others through the power of astrology was my life purpose. And I could actually get paid for it. It took me a few more years but in 2015 I finally announced my astrology business. And I have BIG plans for the future. So stay tuned….
If you’re still reading this, you’re the real MVP. I’ve gone through so much in my life, things that even people close to me don’t know. I’m a very stable person but my life has been a rollercoaster of things well beyond my control. But I find comfort in knowing that I’m supposed to go through these things in order for my soul to grow. With all the Scorpio planets in my chart, death and rebirth (literally and figuratively) are themes I cannot avoid. It’s made me stronger and I’ve used my experiences to help heal others, which in turn, helps me continue to heal.
So with all this being said, I hope you understand why astrology is so important to me. I live and breathe it everyday. But I understand that it’s still a little taboo. My goal with this website, and why I relaunched astrofashionista.com, is to show people how they can use simple and basic astrology to help better their lives. We all deserve the chance to live the best life we possibly can. Success is relative and many people are looking to be successful in their own way. But I truly believe that at the core, we all just want inner peace. And I hope I can help you get closer to it.